Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
