He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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