Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
