so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
be right there i have to get my cape
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
Randomize
