dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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