I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
