my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
