So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
