Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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