My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
