I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
