Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
