I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This baby is an asshole
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
