Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
