i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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