I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
