She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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