In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
