If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i've created a new STD.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
