dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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