i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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