Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize