I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
