we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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