I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
