That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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