im six kinds of drunk right now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
