I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
