you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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