so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
