Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
