So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
