How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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