I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
