Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think my vagina is haunted
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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