I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
