I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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