he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He better not be in your backpack
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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