i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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