Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
