we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
