I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
