I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
