i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
