i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
