Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
