Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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