you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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