I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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