I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
