Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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