he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
