So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
