I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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