k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
