Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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