I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
