i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
