Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
