I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
