the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
