Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
