Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
