Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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