if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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