a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
