hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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