do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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