i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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