Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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