Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
