God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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