just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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