I need help removing her.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
