So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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