HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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