When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
