in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
