do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
