At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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