I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
