I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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