I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
