I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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