I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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