I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
