Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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