Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
