Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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