You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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