his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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