Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
