Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
