he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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